If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind.
If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate. And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush. It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women.
I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until he met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell. They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it. Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: There was only one weird thing about her, which is that I would occasionally catch her looking at me a little funny.
I suspected that she had a low-key crush on me. About a year after she dumped Tom abruptly, leaving him a sniveling wreck, I discovered that I was correct. We ran into each other at a party.
Dating Your Friend's Ex
Flirting with each other was easy, taking each other's clothes off was easy, and it felt like fate — like absolute magic — and it kept feeling like absolute magic for about a month, at which point I discovered that she was kind of boring, or at least that we bored each other. In the end, I got about five dates out of it, in exchange for an irreparably ruined friendship. Tom found out, and he never forgave me. Now, if you're sure that this is not you, that this is Real Love you're looking at, then what you have to do is tell your friend what's up.
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Tell your friend about your intentions, and ask him if there's any way you can make the process easier for him. This conversation will not go well. Because, again, you're declaring to an old friend that you're prepared to disregard his feelings. That's the truth of the situation.
There's no two ways about it. There are pros and cons to all of these scenarios. Normally, there are only a two people you ever have to consider when you start dating someone new: Who cares about what other people think? This is usually solved by being up front with both your ex and their friend and asking. But friendships are complicated. Young and dumb as I was, however, I took her at her word and happily felt that I followed all the necessary steps to have an Emma-approved relationship with Liam.
But after Liam and I started dating, Emma became distant.
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Because I thought I ' d done everything right, I became indignant and angry about her treatment of me. If she didn ' t want me to date him she should have just said so, right? I had no comprehension of the difficult position I put her in, and I didn ' t even try to be understanding about the fact that she felt I chose Liam over her. Our mutual anger and resentment towards each other led us to start talking less and less, until we eventually just stopped talking at all.
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I had Liam, and I convinced myself that I was happy enough with that, but Emma had no one, and the isolated position I put her in upsets me to this day. After months of barely speaking to each other except when we were forced to, Emma and I were suddenly able to repair things.
I missed my best friend.
Dating Your Friend's Ex - AskMen
I missed our talks and our inside jokes and our sleepovers filled with laughter. I wrote her a long note about all our memories and how much I missed her, and both of us were able to put our anger and resentment aside and continue our friendship. She got as on board as she could with Liam and my relationship, and I tried not to rub it in her face. But here ' s the real kicker: Liam and I eventually went through a very messy breakup and stopped talking or communicating all together.
Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
It wasn ' t until we broke up that I realized what a colossal mistake I had made. Our relationship was never very healthy, and it hadn ' t lasted all that long in the grand scheme of things.
I sacrificed months of laughter and memories with my best friend and caused her a lot of hurt and pain for a boy I would never talk to again. At the end of the day, I valued my temporary feelings for Liam over my relationship with my best friend… for what?